Angol érettségi levélírásban valaki kérem segítene hogy ez így jó-e?

2014. angol középszintű érettségiben volt egy olyan feladat, hogy írjak egy lánynak, mert meg szeretném venni a laptopját, a kritériumok ezek voltak:

-say you are interested in buying the laptop,

-ask if you could get it cheaper giving at least two reasons why,

-ask about delivery and payment.

50-80 szavasnak kellene lennie.

A levelem:

Hello Ann,

I am writing regarding to your advertisement on the NEVER LIKED IT ANYWAY.COM website. I was searching for a laptop exactly like that on the Internet and I have not managed to find one for hours until this time. That would be the perfect Christmas present for my sister!

I am wondering if I could buy it cheaper because I have spent a lot of money on presents and also I can not be sure enough that it was not used by someone or if it is working appropriately.

I would like to know how you would transfer it to me and how much it costs.

Thank you in advance

Nagy Béla